Goodbye, _____ _____

I'm sorry I didn't have it in me to let go sooner, believe me I knew three weeks in what took you four months to realize. I'm sorry I held onto potential rather than leaving at the first sign.

Not that I'm saying sorry because I think you're hurting or in pain, we did good to not be too much ever. We didn't take up anything besides time, we didn't leave a trace behind. It would all be different if a reminder of me was hanging on your wall or if you'd ever left me with more than a toothbrush. And I don't think you ever really tried or wanted to try, I think you always knew and just did what I did too because we both had something to prove to ourselves. And we had to give it a try. So I don't hold it against you now that nothing ever was.

It feels silly, for some reason I don't think I need to say it. I really don't but that makes me think I still need to say it. So I'm here

I think it was -and this is- all less about you than what you stood for. You were a sign. You were a step that I needed to prove I could take. Proof that I was loveable, that I could feel attraction before it was directed towards me. That I could be brave and that I didn't have to think about what everyone else wanted first. You were proof that I was able to laugh without having to force it. You meant that I could leave things behind and not think "what if". You meant I could leave things behind.

It made me so happy. You made me so happy. But not because we would have been amazing together (not not because of it of course. I may be reflecting but I'm still delusional). But still you made me happy. We made me happy. But God, though I miss being happy, it's nice to not be that kind of happy anymore

I can't stop looking for you in photos because it became a habit, but I'll stop looking for pieces of me that didn't fit pieces of you.

I hope the movie turns out to be a gold mine and that you never stop. I hope you find exactly what you're looking for and I hope her company makes you want to ditch your friends and cancel plans on less than a day's notice. I hope they never cut down that bush, I hope they plant roses in the spring. I hope the next time I see you we can talk like we did back in May and that that never changes again. I hope I'm excited to see you. When I do, I'll try not to tell you that Inglourious Basterds was great, just like you said it would be. I won't ask about the wall hanging, I won't ask about your bike. It'll be like it never happened, I promise.

Goodbye. Thank you, and good bye.